great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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