This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
