Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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