I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
