Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
