Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I cut my penus on the lid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
