halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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