We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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