Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
