did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
