I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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