if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
