Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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