I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
