Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
