Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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