did you get engaged???
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
