Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
