Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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