we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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