wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
