I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
