Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
