I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
