also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
