Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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