last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
