I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
