somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
