Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
