The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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