Christians are straight up FREAKS
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
