Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
