I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
