Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
