Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had sex on a roof
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
