Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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