4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
