Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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