I'm gonna have a badass scar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love having hate sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
