Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
