Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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