whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dear god my vagina.
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