somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
