Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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