I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
