i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
