You smell like stripper and shame
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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