i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
