This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
