dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
