Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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