she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it glows. i had to have it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
