I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
