After last night, I could never be a politician.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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