We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
