i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
